ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was born a porn star she said
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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