She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
