so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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