you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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