The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Where is the hickey?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
