I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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