Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
