well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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