my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
