so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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