Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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