ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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