He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
