Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
