Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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