Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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