Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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