My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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