her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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