i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
