mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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