I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
