Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
