can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
