Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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