Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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