i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I party with great urgency now.
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