Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
