my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
