My Higher Power is John Stamos
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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