I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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