Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
