yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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