he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
