I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
