meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
