I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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