i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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