i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
