I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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