yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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