So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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