Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
