You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
