I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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