Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
