both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
