nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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