can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
