I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
