New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
