I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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