So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
