Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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