carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize