Sry I called you an 8
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
