We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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