you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
