I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
