woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
