I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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