you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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