I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
