It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
