READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
