Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
