love makes seman taste better
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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