I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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