Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
