I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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