Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
