soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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