I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
