Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
