New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize