I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
