You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
