Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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