Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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