I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I checked into jail on foursquare
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
