what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
