I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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