My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
