I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
